Then Sings My Soul Page 5

  "Hazel, what a welcomed surprise. Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

  "I just decided as I drove home from work." He held open her car door for her to step out. His arm encircling her waist, he steered her up the steps and into his house.

  "I'd better call home," she said as she reached for his wall phone and dialed her number. He disappeared into his bedroom.

  "Shanell, how's everything going? Tricia went to rehearsals? Did you give Ma'dear something to eat? I'll be a little late. See you around seven. " She hung up and poured herself a glass of water. She could hear the shower running and heard Kevin humming. She sat down on the couch and waited for him.

  His house was neat and orderly, though you could tell a bachelor lived there because while on the surface everything had its place, a thin layer of dust lay over everything as if it hadn't been dusted in a while. The curtains must not have been cleaned in a long while because they looked worn and dingy. Once she had offered to take his curtains home and wash them but the thought annoyed him so she never mentioned it again.

  Kevin was 38 years old, had been married once but divorced after two years. He worked as an insurance investigator and spent a lot of time out of town, chasing down those suspected of committing fraud. He and Hazel met three years ago when she got into a minor car accident and he was sent to investigate her claim. He asked her out for a drink and their relationship developed quickly after that.

  He came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Taking her in is arms, he kissed her neck and began to steer her towards the bedroom.

  "Wait, Kevin, I'm not in the mood." She pulled away. "I just needed somebody to talk to.... Maybe later," she added noticing a frown cross his face.

  "Would you like something to eat?" he asked pulling on his robe. He opened the refrigerator and began pulling out remnants of food. He was a good cook. He loved to try new recipes especially Thai recipes that called for special ingredients like lemongrass, ginger, and vanilla bean. She sat on a stool and watched him put together their meal.

  "It's Ma'dear, my job, school, everything. I'm not sure how I'll manage having Ma'dear with me."

  "But she's your mother. What's there to handle?"

  "I left home when I was seventeen. She drove me away actually. Said I was wild. Didn't like much about me, she told me one day. Especially when I was pregnant with Tricia. She sent me to live with my aunt, and after all these years, we haven't gotten along for more than five minutes. And now I may have to take care of her for the rest of her life. It scares me."

  She talked for over an hour and when she finished, she felt relieved. This time when he invited her to his bed she consented. It was 8 P.M. when she turned the lock in the door to her apartment.

  As usual Shanell was on the phone, Ma'dear was asleep, and Tricia was at rehearsal. She took a bath, read a magazine, and as soon as her head hit the pillow, she fell fast asleep.

  Chapter 10 - Shanell

  "Course I know you. I seen you around school plenty of times. How many boyfriends do I have? Now why should I tell you that? How many girlfriends do you have?"

  Shanell giggled into the telephone. Just hearing his smooth voice sent chills up her spine. Shay called me! Wait until I tell Babe. She's not gonna believe this.

  Shay was the most handsomest boy in school, one of the star players on the basketball team. She hadn't ever seen him without a girl on his arm.

  "What about Cheryl? I thought you and her was tight." He told her they'd broken up. He said his friend had told him about her and had given him her number.

  "What's your friend's name?" she tried to make her voice sound sophisticated, rich like she'd heard Tricia whenever she talked on the phone to Darien. "No, I just wanted to know who it was. Am I a virgin?" She blushed. "You're not supposed to ask a girl that?" Her stomach did a flip-flop.

  "I can't go out during the week. To the movies on Saturday? I'll have to ask my mother if I can." If she says no, I'll go anyway, she told herself. He said something she couldn't quite catch; then he said he had to go. "See you in school tomorrow." She hung up.

  I gotta call Babe. She's gonna die when she hears this. She dialed her friend's number but got a busy signal. Hanging up, she glanced up at the clock. 7:15 pm. Momma and Tricia were still out.

  Not wanting to disturb her, yet needing to talk to somebody, she peeked into Ma'dear's room. A wave of disappointment washed over her when she saw that her grandmother was asleep. She tiptoed in and began to gather the soiled dishes. A glass dropped from the tray and rolled beneath the bed.

  "Shit!" Shanell whispered before she could stop herself. Glancing quickly at Ma'dear, she saw that her eyes were open.

  "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you," she said quickly hoping her grandmother hadn't heard her curse. She only did it at school or when she was with her friends. Sometimes though, it slipped out at home and when it did, her mother and Tricia usually took her to task about it.

  "How you feeling? Can I get you anything?" She just lays there and stares at you. I wonder can she hear me? I wonder how it would feel to be paralyzed?

  "You thirsty? You want some water?" Suddenly she realized she was yelling. A smile began to form on Ma'dear's face. Shanell laughed. Sitting down beside her grandmother, she stroked her hand.

  "You know what happened in school today? My drama teacher, Mrs. Clark, said I've got a good feel for acting. I auditioned for the part of Peter Pan in the school play and it got down to me and this girl named Loretta. She's got blond hair and blue eyes and everybody just knew she was gonna get the part because she plays the lead in just about all the school plays. Well, Mrs. Clark said I did such a good job that even though Loretta got the part, I'm gonna be her understudy. You should've seen me, Ma'dear. I had memorized my lines down to a tee. You wanna hear me recite them? I'll be right back."

  She dashed out of the room and retrieved the script from her backpack. "I gotta set up the scene first." As she began describing the scene, her glance fell on her grandmother. Her eyes closed, her breathing rhythmic, she was asleep. Shanell's shoulders slumped. "Maybe tomorrow," she whispered.

  Gathering up the tray with the soiled dishes, she carried them into the kitchen. After putting them into the sink, she decided to call Babe again. This time when she dialed her number, Babe answered immediately.

  "It's about time, girl. Who was you talking to? You'll never guess who called me..."Deep in conversation, she didn't hear the door open and her mother come in.

  "Have you done your homework?" Hazel hollered as she passed the kitchen. "Make sure you clean up the kitchen before you go to bed tonight. And don't stay on that phone too long. Other people would like to use it sometime." Shanell heard the door close to her mother's room."Can you believe? He asked if I was a virgin?" She giggled. "I didn't say I was or that I wasn't."

  Chapter 11 - Ma'dear

  I remember when I was a little girl. Every Sunday Mama would dress me and my baby sister Johnnie up in real nice clothes and the whole family would all go to church together. I loved to go to church. Sunday was my favorite day. Afterwards, we'd come home and Mama would cook a big dinner. While Papa read his paper on the porch, Sammy, Bud, Johnnie and me would play out in the yard until she called us to come in for dinner. Johnnie was the youngest, and though my brothers teased us a lot, they protected us, made sure we were safe.

  At fourteen, Sammy was the oldest, full of energy, always in trouble for doing something dangerous like climbing trees and diving from rocks into the small stream not far from our house or walking along the railroad track and jumping off just before the train came.

  One Sunday, Sammy was swinging on that old tire Papa hung up in the yard. He accidentally fell off the swing and nearly cut his ear clean off. Papa grabbed him up, jumped in our old rickety car, and sped off to town. We sat around for hours waiting. Finally, when it was real dark, Papa came back with Sammy. He had a sad look on his face like he had been beat. Sammy's face was wrapped in bandages. Ma
ma put him to bed and told us all to go to bed. But I snuck downstairs and heard Papa tell Mama what happened in town.

  Seems that when Papa took Sammy into the hospital, they asked him what he wanted; then they said they didn't treat no nigger child; that he'd have to carry him to the Negro hospital in the next town. Papa raised such a fuss, they threatened to call the sheriff. They threw him and Sammy out. By the time he got him to the other hospital, his ear was infected.

  Mama tried to calm Papa down. He said he was sick and tired living in the South where "they always trying to steal you manhood." I didn't understand what he meant by that. That was the first I remember when Papa started moving away from us. He came home from working at the sawmill every day, but he started drinking more and more.

  From that day on Sammy had problems with his hearing. His condition got worse until he lost his hearing in both ears. The infection spread and Sammy died. A little while after that Papa left. Went to work one day anddidn't come back.

  Mama got a set look on her face until I can't hardly remember if I ever heard her laugh again. And she used to laugh all the time. She had one of the happiest laughs I'd ever heard. But when Papa left, she didn't hardly ever crack a smile anymore. She started cleaning up white folks home and we children had to practically raise ourselves we were alone so much. Children should never be left alone to raise themselves. Look what happened to me.

  Shanell comes in. She's got a pretty face but I don't know why young girls got to wear pants all the time and that skimpy top. Why do Hazel let her dress like that? I bet she's fast like her mother. What's she doing? Look out, she dropped a glass. Reminds me of myself. Wish I could let her know I hear her. She's yelling at me like everybody else. I wonder why people think I can't hear. It's just my voice. That's all. There’s pressure on my vocal chords. That's what the doctor back in Philadelphia said.

  So my granddaughter wants to be an actress. I hope not. Reminds me of myself when I was her age....

  Sadie, why don't you leave me alone! I never done nothing to hurt you.

  Chapter 12 - Tricia

  I called Mr. Donovan and he told me to come to his office tonight. I knew Momma would be mad especially since I'd been out almost every night this week. I hadn't been able to make up all my assignments. Mrs. Stern threatened to call Momma if I fell asleep in her class again. I tried to keep awake, but whenever I did, I'd get so annoyed at the way the other students kept up so much noise in class. They acted like kids and it made me so mad. The other day we had a substitute teacher and Larry and Tiny started bagging on him real loud. It was so funny I had to laugh. When I saw he couldn't handle it, I shouted at those fools. That quieted them down, but they gave me dirty looks. Really, sometimes I wondered why they even came to school. I could hardly wait to graduate. Sometimes when I looked at the students in my class, I felt so old. Like I didn't really belong there. Just a few more months I told myself.

  My history teacher was lecturing as usual and writing notes all over the blackboard, which I could barely read. Tearing a sheet of paper from my notebook, I wrote, "Dear Mr. Love, It seems like years since I last saw you. Why haven't you called? I called you the other day but all I got was your answer machine and you haven't called me back. I'm sorry about the other day. Call me, please. " I signed it "Your Huggy Bear. " I folded it up and tucked it into my purse. I looked up just in time to see Mr. Jordon coming down the aisle, handing out papers.

  "As soon as you finish this test, you may start on your homework." Oh shit! I forgot to study.

  Lately, it seemed like everybody was mad at me. Shanell was always mad so she didn't count. Gracie and Kanisha found out that Mr. Donovan was interested in me and not them. Take last night. They gave me funny looks. Even Gracie would stare at me whenever she thought I wasn't looking. Kanisha was harder on me than usual and usually Gracie was on my side. This time, though, she agreed with Kanisha. If Donovan offered to help me, maybe I'd be better off going it alone.

  I rushed home after school, and dashed into the bathroom to shower and change clothes. I knew I had hours to wait but I was anxious to see what this was all about. Momma hired a nurse to look after Ma'dear while we were in school and give her some physical therapy. When I came out of the bathroom, she was finishing up and about to leave. She was a short, thick woman with dark brown skin, a short Afro, and a wide grin. She was always grinning, which made me suspicious. But what I mostly didn't like about her was that she treated Ma'dear like she was a child.

  "We had a good day today, didn't we? We ate all our food and now we're taking a little nap."

  The first time I heard her all I could do was shake my head. She sure was strange. I asked Momma where she got her, but all she said was to just be grateful we don't have to miss any more school. Anyway, Miss Strange waved at me as she closed the door. "See you tomorrow," she yelled.

  I wanted to take off early for Mr. Donovan's office in midtown, so I was ready as soon as Shanell got home. Before we could get into an argument, I left. I took two busses before I reached his office near Alvarado. I was kind of nervous, partly because I'd never been to this part of town. The only time I'd been through this area was on the bus on my way downtown. It looked ugly and crowded with so many people it almost made my head spin. Storefronts sold cheap goods, house wares, and electronic equipment. There were plenty of fast food places, Taco Bell, Jack in the Box, and Tommy's Hamburgers.

  I walked as fast as I could to the address on the card. Mr. Donovan's office was in an old building that must have been something in its day. The entrance looked all carved with sculptured statues, like something I'd seen in my history textbook book on ancient ruins in Rome and when I looked up I saw gargoyles glaring down at me. The building looked dingy and in serious need of a bath. Why do people in the music business have their offices in ancient buildings in the seedy part of town? I wondered.

  A security guard asked me who I was going up to see, and made me sign in as he gave me a close inspection as if I was from outer space. Then he pointed me to a broken down elevator a few feet from the entrance and went back to reading his magazine. I spotted a naked woman with big boobs on one page. I wished I had asked Darien or somebody to come with me.

  The elevator creaked slowly up to the third floor as if it was on its last legs. Not seeing anybody else in the building except the security guard and me made me even more nervous. Maybe I shouldn't have come, I thought. But I hummed a Whitney Houston song to help steady my nerves as I hurried down the dark corridor.

  "How do I know if he really loves me..."

  I pictured myself onstage surrounded by lights and applause.

  At a door marked D and D Promotions, Inc. I stopped. Reaching into my purse, I took out my compact, checked my hair and makeup, and popped an Altoids in my mouth. Then I turned the knob and went in. The lights were on and I heard the sound of jazz music coming from a radio, but nobody was behind the reception desk. I sat down and waited. Photographs of recording artists lined the walls. I picked up a copy of billboard magazine from the table and flipped through the pages. The clock on the wall said six thirty. My appointment was for seven. I hoped he'd see me early. I wanted to get out of here before dark. No such luck. The clock ticked away but nobody came. Finally it was seven and still nobody came. The phone rang several times. I was tempted to pick it up but I didn't. After a while, I got up enough nerve to go to the door leading to the other room that I guess must be Mr. Donovan's office. Putting my ear against the frame, I listened. Then I knocked, no answer. I tried to turn the doorknob. It was locked. I sat down and waited some more. I started to feel jumpy and annoyed at the same time. The clock moved to seven thirty; then to seven forty-five.

  Disappointed, my heart sank. He wasn't coming. I was mad now. Finding a scrap of paper in my purse, I wrote him a note telling him I came. I took some scotch tape from the desk and taped my note to the door. Then I left.

  The hallway was dark and filled with shadows. I pushed the elevator button listening to the el
evator squeak as it headed for the fifth floor above me. I heard the gate open and close. But the elevator didn't start back down. I looked around for the stairs. It was only three flights down to the street. I was beginning to get really scared. My body shook. I felt sweat break out under my arms. The longer I waited, the more nervous I got.

  Finally, the elevator came; pushing back the gate, I stepped in. My heart raced as I imagined the security guard gone home leaving me stuck in this building for the night. As the elevator creaked to a stop on the first floor, I slid back the gate and practically ran to the door almost falling down with relief when I spotted the security guard sitting on a stool smoking near the door.

  He unlocked the door and as I rushed through, he tipped his hat and said, "Have a nice night." I heard the bolt being thrown behind me. As I hurried to the bus stop, I thought, 'I should've stayed home. '

  When I stepped into the apartment, Momma was waiting by the door, a frown on her face.

  "Where've you been? Shanell said you went to rehearsal but you didn't tell me anything about that this morning. You've been going out every night this week and it's got to stop. You may think you're grown, but you're not! You're seventeen. I've got enough to worry about without you adding to my worries!"

  I told her about my appointment with Mr. Donovan.

  "You know better than to go into that area alone and at night. You want to be a singer so bad that you'll put your life in jeopardy, and for what? You need to be more careful."

  I apologized, went to my room and took off my clothes. Momma followed, sitting down on Shanell's bed, she watched me undress. I saw some of the anger and tension seep out of her face.

  "By the way, Shanell said Darien and a Mr. Donovan called...." She went on, but I was too worn out to listen. I got into bed and pulled the covers up around my shoulders. She turned the light out and closed the door as she left.