Then Sings My Soul Page 9

  "Shanell, the teacher's talking to you." She heard her friend Babe's voice. Babe pushed her arm. Shanell raised her head. Mr. Kravitz was looking at her as was everyone else in the class.

  "What year was the Suez Canal built, Miss Porter? You should know this." His voice stern, he turned to address the entire class. "Pay attention to this review. It's going to be on the test tomorrow." Again, he focused his attention on Shanell. "Well, we're waiting."

  Her head ached and she felt like she was going to throw up. She had to get out of there. Slowly, she got out of her seat and made her way to his desk. "Mr. Kravitz," she leaned towards him and whispered. "I don't feel well. Can I go to the nurse's office?"

  "Are you trying to get out of class again?" The look on her face made him hastily write her a pass. He didn't want her vomiting all over his desk.

  The nurse took her temperature and told her she could lie down on the small cot in her office until the end of the period.

  "Can't I just go home?"

  "Is there someone there who can pick you up? I could call your mother. What's her work number?" The nurse flipped through her files. Shanell thought of her mother rushing to the school to get her and decided.

  "I think I can make it through the day," she said.

  "Are you sure? You have a slight temperature and you may be coming down with something," Nurse Finch said.

  "No, I guess I just needed some air. I'm feeling better already," Shanell said. She smiled weakly.

  "Well, here's a pass to get back into class." The nurse scribbled a note and handed it to Shanell. She took it and started down the hall towards her classroom. When she came to the door to exit the building, she slipped through it, ran down the steps and into the bright sunlight.

  She ran along the street until she came to a park. Sitting down on one of the benches, she watched a group of toddlers playing in the sandbox and mothers pushing their babies in strollers.

  "Come here, Tommy. Don't put that in your mouth!" A young girl got up from a nearby bench. Carrying her infant in one arm, the girl who didn't look much older than Tricia, yelled at the toddler who was putting a shiny object into his mouth.

  "Dammit, Tommy, spit it out!" She snatched at the child's arm. Tommy screamed and tried to pull away. The girl raised her hand and smacked the child hard on his bottom. She grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the bench next to where Shanell was sitting.

  "These kids ‘bout to drive me wild. I shoulda had my head examined...."

  Shanell watched as she placed the infant in her carriage, reached into her bag, and took out a banana. She peeled it, and gave it to Tommy.

  She glanced over at Shanell. "You got any kids?" she asked. She was dressed in jeans, a tight tee shirt and sneakers; her dark hair, elaborately braided, hung down almost to her waist. In one nostril was a small diamond jewel. All along the outside of her earlobes were gold hoops that ranged from tiny to large. Her fingernails were long and painted a bright green. Shanell wondered how she found time to care for herself and her kids.

  Shanell shook her head. "I'm only fourteen."

  "Shit. I was fifteen when I had Tommy. He's three and a half. Say, shouldn't you be in school? Whatchu doing here in the park? They let you out early?"

  "No, I wasn't feeling well so I left."

  "Ditched, huh? I know. I use to do that all the time. Now I wish I'da stayed in school and not had these kids. Tommy, come over here! Don't throw no rocks at them birds. Had to drop out of school to take care of my kids. Hold her for me, will you?"

  Before Shanell had a chance to say anything, the girl handed her the baby and took off after the child who had disappeared behind a distant shrub. The baby suddenly began to cry. Shanell held her and rocked her gently, putting the pacifier in the baby's mouth. The cries grew louder as the baby pushed the pacifier away.

  "Don't cry. Your mommy will be right back." But the baby continued to cry and squirm in Shanell's arms. Feeling helpless, she looked around for the mother and saw her some distance away with Tommy. Just then two elderly women strolled by and glancing at Shanell and the crying baby, shook their heads in disapproval. Shanell could read the look on their faces. She wanted to say, "This ain't my baby."

  "Thanks, I'll take her." The baby's mother took the child and shoved a bottle into her mouth. The baby ate greedily. Tommy, thumb stuck in his mouth, climbed up on the bench beside his mother and lay his head in her lap.

  "By the way, my name's Gloria. What's yours?" Shanell told her. "That's a pretty name. I was gonna name my baby Chanel like the perfume or LaToya. But then I decided on Chemise. If I have another girl, I'll name her Lanika. Not that I plan on having another baby soon. My mama almost killed me when I had Tommy. Then I got pregnant with Chemise."

  "Does their father help you take care of them?" Shanell asked.

  "Are you kidding? Tommy's father is in jail. Don't know where Chemise's daddy is. Probably out getting some other girl pregnant. If I had it to do over, I'da stayed in school and left the men alone, least until I got my education. You can't do nothing without an education. What time is it?" She looked down at her watch.

  "Almost noon. You hungry? I don't live far from here. Why don't you come home with me and I'll fix us something to eat."

  Shanell thought about going home but knew that she couldn't until 3 P.M. The nurse was there with her grandmother and she was sure to question her about why she wasn't at school. Besides, there was nothing to do at home.

  "Okay, if you don't mind. Here, I'll help with Tommy." She took the little boy by the hand and walked beside Gloria as she pushed the baby carriage out of the park and down a few blocks until she came to a large house.

  "I live in the back," she explained. "Got me a little place after my mother kicked me out. It ain't much but it's home." They walked around the side of the two-story old Victorian house down the driveway, passed the garbage cans and a huge bougainvillea that almost obscured the structure in back. The tiny house looked as if it had once been used as a storage shed but had been converted into living quarters. It was badly in need of paint. Other than that, to Shanell, it looked great.

  "I tried to fix it up a bit. When Mama was speaking to me, she brought over things, helped me put up some curtains," Gloria said as she unlocked the door.

  They entered a large rectangular room that served as living room, bedroom, and kitchen, and a small room off to the side that Shanell assumed was the bathroom.

  "Just put Tommy down on the couch. I'll let him sleep awhile." Tommy had insisted Shanell carry him and he had fallen asleep in her arms. Grateful to be relieved from her heavy load, she lay him gently down on the couch and pulled a knitted colorful afghan over him. Then she sat down on an overturned box near the table and watched as Gloria undressed the sleeping baby, put a clean diaper on her, and place her in her crib.

  After the baby was settled, Gloria lit a cigarette and walked over to the refrigerator, peered inside, and withdrew a package of lunchmeat, a loaf of white bread, and a jar of mayonnaise.

  "You want a beer?" She held a Budweiser up to Shanell. "Course you don't." Popping the tab, she tilted her head back, took a long swallow, and burped.

  "Only thing else I got is water and the baby's milk. I could send you to the store for a soda."

  "No, that's alright. Water's fine," Shanell said. She picked up a magazine, Sepia Romance, and flipped through the pages. "My boyfriend is in love with his best friend" was the title of one article.

  "Sorry I don't have a TV. My boyfriend said he was gonna get me one but he hasn't yet." Gloria handed Shanell a bologna sandwich and a jelly jar filled with tap water.

  They talked a while about everything from boys to babies and before Shanell realized, it was 1:30. Both Tommy and Chemise had awakened and been fed. Gloria smoked several cigarettes and drank another can of beer. Shanell drank more water.

  At one point she asked to use the bathroom. She had trouble closing the door. Closing the bathroom door was a problem as it also served as
a closet, she observed. Some clothes hung on the back of the door, some were piled on the overflowing hamper, and some littered the floor.

  It was fun talking to Gloria especially about boys. Gloria had a great sense of humor and loved to talk. She laughed a lot except when one of the children upset her. Then she'd reach out and smack them. Actually she smacked Tommy hard on the bottom several times and shook the baby when she cried too much. Suddenly, it was 2 P.M.

  "Would you mind looking after the kids while I run to the store for a minute? It's easier to shop alone than to drag them along," Gloria said as she stepped out of her jeans and took off her sneakers. When she went into the bathroom, Shanell heard the water running. When Gloria came out, she was wearing a short dress and after putting on makeup, she slid her feet into a pair of high-heeled wedges. She looked a lot older than eighteen; especially when she tied her braids back with a black ribbon.

  "I won't be long," she said as she closed the door behind her.

  It didn't dawn on Shanell until an hour later that Gloria wasn't dressed for grocery shopping. She played with Tommy, read him a story, changed Chemise's diaper and gave her another bottle. After picking up the clothes Gloria had thrown all over the place, she folded them and placed them on the end of the table. Then she washed the pile of dishes stacked in the sink. It looked as if they'd been sitting there a long time. Finally she swept the floor.

  When the clock struck 4 P.M. she began to worry. She looked out the window; however, all she could see was the bougainvillea and the lengthening shadows.

  Where is she? I gotta get home. What if she don't come back? What am I gonna tell Momma when she finds out I ditched school? Her mind chattered as she tried to read another article in Sepia Romance Magazine, but she couldn't concentrate on "Pregnant by my stepfather."

  Tommy began to get cranky. "I want my mommy!" His cries grew louder. Shanell made him the last of the bologna sandwiches that calmed him while he ate. Chemise began to cry. She could find no more bottles of milk for the baby. The diaper bag held one more diaper. After changing her, she picked up the baby and walked around the room, hoping the child would fall asleep.

  Again she thought, 'what if she don't come back? What do I do with the children? I can't go off and leave them alone.'

  Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door. "Gloria, open up. I know you in there!" A man's deep voice demanded. "If you don't open up this damn door, I'm gonna kick it in."

  Trembling, Shanell opened it a crack and said, "Gloria ain't here." A dark-skinned rough looking man in his late twenties stood just outside. He had a scar that ran along his nose and under his eye. He wore a heavy sweater and black jeans. On his head he wore a skullcap and dark sunglasses.

  "Where she be?" he asked. Shanell heard a trace of a West Indian accent.

  "I don't know," Shanell said. She heard something fall behind her. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Tommy had knocked over a lamp. Chemise began to howl again.

  "When she get back, tell her Raymond stopped by. Tell her I want my fucking money!"

  "I'll tell her," said Shanell her heart racing as she closed the door. The clock struck 6 o'clock.

  Chapter 22 - Ma'dear

  Willie Joe and me got married early one Thursday morning at the Justice of the Peace. Then we went out to Coney Island and spent the rest of the day riding the Ferris Wheel and going through the Tunnel of Love. When it got dark, he took me to his room on 128th Street off 5th Ave. He lived on the first floor of a rooming house. I'd been there just once before for a quick minute but now this was to be my home. He had a big bed right in the middle of the room, a dresser on one side near the window, a closet stuffed with his clothes, and one chair that stood beside a small table. It had a communal bathroom and kitchen. Willie Joe kept a hotplate in his room. The landlord wasn't too crazy about him bringing me there, but when Willie Joe told him we was married, he said it was okay.

  He carried me across the threshold and carefully set me down. I looked around. "Honey, where am I gonna put all my stuff?" I laughed. "This is gonna be mighty small for the two of us."

  "Don't you worry," he said. "Before long we gonna find us a larger place. I got my eye on one." He sat down on the bed, pulled me down beside him and kissed me.

  We stayed in bed the whole weekend. Only time we got up was to get something to eat from the Chinese restaurant down the street. I called Mrs. Bloomstein Saturday morning and told her I was in bed with the flu.

  She said, "Take your time getting over it. Don't want you spreading it around."

  I thought about taking a week but then I figured we needed the money especially now that we was married.

  It was a year before we moved. I got so use to living in that box that when we moved to a one bedroom flat, I almost didn't know what to do with myself.

  But about Sadie. She didn't take it none too lightly. That Monday after we was married, Sadie approached me when I got to work. She came upstairs and sat on the chair, watching me picking up Mr. and Madam's clothes and straightening up the room. I could feel her eyes following my every move. I hadn't told her.

  "You didn't come home the entire weekend. Had to go to Rockland Palace by myself. Didn't see Willie Joe neither. Was he with you?"

  I hadn't planned on telling her just yet but what else could I do?

  "Willie Joe and me got married Friday," I said, not looking at her.

  I caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror. The look she gave me made me shiver. I tell you, it scared me. She didn't say a word at first. Then she smiled a funny kinda smile. And just as sweet as can be, she reached out and hugged me.

  "Congratulations, I hope you two will be very happy together."

  I felt relieved when she said that though I still had a strange feeling inside.

  "Guess I'll have to get me a new roommate," she said as she went back down to the kitchen.

  She asked me and Willie Joe over to dinner a week later. She fixed up a real feast: pork chops, mashed potatoes, and collard greens, cake and ice cream for dessert, and coffee. We had a good time that night. We all was in a good mood. Willie Joe bought a bottle of scotch and after dinner, we drank our fill. He told us some jokes and had us laughing. I was grateful because I wasn't sure about how Sadie was taking our marriage. When I talked to him about how I felt, he said I was letting my imagination run away with me.

  "Sadie don't mean you no harm."

  I quit working for the Bloomsteins shortly after we married and went to work as a cleaning woman at Macy's Department Store. Since I worked in town I got to go home regularly. I worked nights. Willie Joe had settled down just after we got together. He was a gambler, he told me, but being a married man, he felt he needed a steady job. You can't count on gambling. He found a job as a doorman at a big hotel downtown.

  It was about a few months later when I started feeling like something was wrong. Willie Joe started turning away from me. When I asked him what was wrong, he said it wasn't nothing. But I noticed every time I'd reach out to hold him at night, he'd move away. At first I thought it had to do with something at work. We was doing right fine, that is until he started turning away.

  When I'd come home from work early in the morning, we usually had a few hours together before he had to get up and go to work. They were precious hours. One day, I came home and fell in bed beside him. When I reached for him, he got up.

  "What's the matter, honey?" I asked watching him light up a cigarette and sit in the chair. It was still dark outside with just a trace of gray.

  "Nothing," he said, putting his head in his hands. He wouldn't look at me.

  I got up and tried to sit on his lap. I wanted him to hold me. When I reached out for him, he pushed me away.

  "Don't," he said. He started putting on his clothes. "I'm going for a walk." It was almost 6 AM. He didn't have to be to work until 8. He was gone before I could open my mouth. I fell asleep and when I woke up, I saw that he'd come back, ate and gone off to work. Just before I had to leave, he c
ame in. It was like nothing had happened. He was his old self again. We made love just before I had to run out the door. I had worried about him all day as I cleaned up the room and made dinner. When I left for work that evening, I felt everything was all right. It must have been something on his job that he didn't want to talk about.

  When I came home the next morning, though, he turned away from me like he did the previous morning. This went on for weeks and it seemed to be getting worse. Before long, I was on pins and needles wondering what was going on. Whenever I asked him, he'd say, nothing was wrong. The weeks went by and he wouldn't touch me. I guess we started getting on each other's nerves. Then I discovered I was pregnant. When I told him, he almost cried. We went out and searched for an apartment and found a nice kitchenette on 143rd Street. Didn't take us long to move in as we didn't have much to pack. This would be a new beginning, I thought. But it wasn't.

  Willie Joe stopped eating the food I cooked for him. I'd find the plate of cold food still sitting where I left it. This made me so mad we started arguing. We argued day and night. One day I looked at him and saw how thin he was getting and how the circles under his eyes was getting darker. I told him he should go see a doctor. He said he couldn't afford one and besides, I was making a big thing about nothing. Those was the worst months in my life.

  I had to talk to somebody about it so one day I called Sadie. I went over to our old room and it was the first time I'd laughed in months. We talked about the good old days and when I told her about what was happening between me and Willie Joe, she said, "Didn't I tell you you couldn't trust him. Probably got some hoe on the side."